Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Ozzard of Wiz

The sock pixie lives in the land of the Ozzard of Wiz! (Thank you Skye for the most wonderful name one could think of.) In my land there is yarn everywhere. There is yarn politely sitting in a beautiful basket in the living room, pretending to be disciplined. There is yarn in the bottom drawer of every chest. That is the special time out place for the yarn that misbehaves. There is yarn in all handbags, that's the emergency yarn, the one you pull out when the weird dude won't stop starring at you on the train! There is yarn in the school book shelf, that's the study yarn. There is yarn in the basement, and that's the yarn for the day the world will come to an end. Some people store food and gold, the great Ozzard stores yarn. There is occasionally a project attached to the yarn, in this case socks, but I also know of a few sweaters which are all in time out at the moment!

In the land of the Ozzard of Wiz, there is no need for heat. As long as it is above 40 degrees outside, there will be no heat. The great Ozzard (which might be me) loves to take draconian heating measures, and the values of layering, and wearing sweaters are highly praised. House guests are usually a little surprised at first. They are watched carefully, in case they turn purple before they can reach for a sweater. On a good day, you can even see the great wizzard in her magical coat and scarf inside the house, knitting frantically. "To try and keep her hands warm?" some evil witches would ask.

In the land of the Ozzard of Wiz, the littlest fairy lost her first tooth yesterday, and the great Ozzard started crying in the middle of the street, kissing her pixie which was a baby no more. In this great land, the tooth fairy has odd working hours. If the tooth was lost after 6p.m. she cannot come that night because she did not get enough advanced warning. Sometimes, she outsources the work because she is so busy, and then we run into terrible problems, with incredibly long delays in delivery. Sometimes it seems to the little pixies, and elves that she has not come. They look and they look, and cannot find anything under their pillow. They go eat their breakfast, slightly disappointed, but come back up to their room, after some convincing by the great Ozzard to find that the toothfairy had left something and they just had not looked carefully enough...

In the land of the Ozzard of Wiz, there is a sock factory. One pair is barely finished that another one is started. The socks for the most wonderful mother in law are finished, and socks for the almost 11 year old little elf are in progress. Sometimes the Ozzard loves to just knit the same thing over and over again, but yesterday the wind must have been blowing from a different direction, for she started to knit socks with a seeded rib pattern for the elf, and she just loves it.

In the land of the Ozzard of Wiz, house projects often get sidetracked, and delayed but eventually completed, as will be the case with the living room. It is rarely the case with laundry however, that is always sidetracked! And there is an axplanation for that too! The Sock Monster is responsible. See, the great Ozzard and the Sock Monster have been at war, one producing socks, the other one devouring them. The great Ozzard's war tactics include limiting casualties to a maximum, i.e. as little confrontation as possible, so very little laundry, and a lot of troop buid up, so knit as many socks as possible!

In the land of the Ozzard of Wiz there are some days that are harder than others, mostly because the great Ozzard was up too late knitting, or in this case reading the new Yarn Harlot book...